Album of the Day: Blue Neighborhood Deluxe by Troye Sivan
Song of the Day: TALK ME DOWN
It all started with this tv show called Glee. Before watching this I was pretty small-minded, laughing at all the gay One Direction jokes (I love them now) and calling people f*g and homo, when I barely knew what it meant. Honestly I had know I idea that it was literally somebody who interested in the same sex. Now, obviously its like not a big deal but back then it was kind of like saying, you’re weak, you act like a girl (yes I realize the sexism, and stupidity in that statement) you’re not masculine.
One day in science we learned these vocab words, homogeneous and heterogeneous which I think had something to do with cells, I don’t know, but what I got was homo means same and hetero means different. That’s when I started to educate myself, what is a homosexual, why is being called one offensive, and how does this tie in with God. (I’m a christian).
After reading the bible and becoming more educated about the gay community (notice I say gay, and not lgbtq+) I was very confused so I just left it at that and then summer rolled around. I had a lot of time on my hands so I decided to start watching Glee (best decision of my life) and immediately Kurt Hummel became my favorite character. If you’re not familiar with the show its set at high school and its about this glee club (singing club) that forms in school that is being improperly funded and, well its a lot, idk, look it up, they sing, dance, they’re is teen pregnancy, hookups, attempt suicide, school shooting, just life. Kurt is this ( Later in the series) out and proud gay character who deals with bullying, his love of theater and his sexuality. This really just made me realize that hey, Kurt’s gay, but he’s still my favorite character (Now its Britney S. Pierce) and maybe, being gay isn’t that big of a deal. So that was that.
Then I got into youtube and a creator by the name of Connor Franta who I immediately fell in love with his content, caught my attention. After scrolling through his videos I found a Coming Out video made a few week prior. This was yet another example of how the fact that he’s gay doesn’t change anything about how I feel about him.
The summer of 7th Grade, Mr. Jenner became Mrs.Jenner, and that really through me off. Whoa, whoa, wait. That’s like not………right? So of course I went along with all the jokes about her, referring to her as a him and a sinner. Laughing at all the bigoted things that were said. Then summer of 8th grade, which is now (I’m going to be a freshmen now) and none other than Ms. Gigi Gorgeous the beautiful you tube creator that I also enjoyed watching became a constant in my life. Then, scrolling through her videos, I figured out she used to be a guy. Wow, but she’s so feminine and pretty now. Hopefully you realize the repetition, I met the people, fell in love with their characters/content and then discovered their place in the lgbtq+.
After all these the discoveries I got to thinking, where am I on that spectrum? Looking back I always had crushes on guys, but low-key had things for girls. But those things, were just things, and things didn’t matter (idk). I remember having “intimate” dreams involving girls and waking up, I just brushed it off and said, oh well. Later on I looked it up, liking girls and guys, and the odd term bisexual came up. I put this in the back of my mind as a possibility. Then a girl at my school, let’s call her Yola came out as that, and I thought, if she’s that, then maybe I am too.
Now today I am 100% sure. I haven’t told anybody as me. But I am a closeted bisexual and its really hard hearing all the ridicule, by my family, peers, and society. Anyways, I’m not going to tell you it gets better because, I’m still in the now and now a lot is happening, Orlando, Christina Grimme, Black Lives Matter movement, and their just seems to be to many problems at the moment for me to face coming out. Until then goodbye. Thanks for reading and…….see you……..soon 🙂
*Also, always looking for critiques on my writing! Feel free to comment